Bangladesh

It's getting closer and closer. A week today I will be in Bangladesh; Dhaka to be precise. Over the next 6 days I am going to be getting more and more stressed and more and more anxious. I have been reading some of the internal reports on Bangladesh, interviews with people who survived the cyclone that hit in 2007 - Sidr. It caused country-wide damage and ripped apart homes both psychologically and materially. Hearing stories of people with nothing but a sheet of thin metal over their heads, no fishing nets to feed their family with.

People can see the tides are rising but mention Climate Change out there and you would get a blank face. They don't know what it is, they haven't caused it. People liken Bangladesh to India, but they've never set foot in either. India is developing all the time, Bangladesh is not, well, not as fast anyway. Micro-credit is enabling people to buy things to live, but the number of loans they are paying off means they probably will not know a life without paying them. It's sad but, many believe, a necessary evil.

I'm moaning and stressing because I haven't done certain things for the trip; silly things like take photos of my house and family. I don't think I could bare to pass them over to a Bangladeshi person...'why are you showing me this?'

I like the sound

of snooker. The white hitting the red, the swish of the pocket, the ball sliding down the metal frame. It's comforting, it's home, just as well I'm at home too!

Well there have been a few moments over the last two days or so that I wish for you goodly peoples to read about then COMMENT on.

My good friend of many years is leaving for lands far and wide in a few days. I will be away on my own not-so-jolly Jaunt when he goes so I wanted to spend the next few days doing the things we have been used to doing - drinking, playing pool, having a laugh etc etc.

However my radio co-host has started 'seeing' him. All through the kind orchestration of myself, and I regret it now, as they have started to really annoy and take the piss out of me!

Am I an object of ridicule? Do I deserve it?

Last night, at the radio show I was practically doing the show by myself. Next week they are off to Skegness for the weekend and I shall be going to London on Saturday so I am not so bothered...but last night, even though they were there in the studio they spent the most part taking the mick and going on the internet whilst I did the show. My co-host was intentionally loud and I had to turn her mic off. The radio for me isn't a joke; I enjoy it!

On Wednesday and Thursday I wanted t go to the pub with my mate and have good times...a pub quiz, lots of pints, 'wacky bingo' and all sorts of other things. But I don't think I will enjoy my last few days with him if she's there. I am not sure if I even like the girl.

Anyway, dear blog, I thought I would let you know of feelings so true and honest.

Written yesterday

There's a smell of yeast on this train,

a ginger ticket inspector gets on, stretched out from kissing her 6ft boyfriend on tip toes,
before we leave,
A grey haired blue jeans wearing lady sips at her herbal tea and casually takes notes from her copy of the Guardian and the New Statesman.

Maybe she's taking notes on me - how does it feel?


Wow - that ticket lady was fit! Her wrists adorned with silver and beads, she sounded sweet, smiled too.

It's her job to smile, deal with it!


Our train fills up and up with all sorts - it's Summer now though, and, as in winter my mind was on capturing the moment and keeping warm, now i'm focussed on other core subjects; fucking and getting fucked (for those not of the youthful minset; shagging and drinking.)

I wonder how couples who live together 'do' sex. Do they ever spice it up, or just splice the urge?...Business Time Business Time...

Do they have a special night, a time? My mate's neighbours in Leeds - every Sunday at 10:45 a.m, yeah Dave? He fell out with them on the day they moved in so I doubt he's losing sleep about the fact i've just 'revealed' them. And thence from that time, the two be-spectacled did elope, and it was good, for at least two minutes.

Hahaha - I love laughing - that was a laugh then. What about when people are on MSN or Facebook or texting, and they go 'lol.' I doubt many are laughing out loud. Do people actually 'lol' on the train? I've done it once and once only - actually laugh out loud! Lol will become so ingested into consciousness, will lose meaning, our children won't know what it stands for. Will 'lol'ing replace laughing?

"It's been too long..."

he said as one man embraced the other. Old friends.

The days begin earlier according to our watches, mist clings to the fields like old cladding around antique pipes - dead grandma's blankets with no other home.

The pastelled Sun in the sky glances over everything, even our slow moving train.

There's been lots to report since my last jottings, and there are loads of changes and things I have learnt, namely:

• their Ofsted inspection hasn't gone public yet
• Cats react to sudden change
• Co-codamol and beer do not mix
• Children with asperges eat particularly

As Bangladesh looms ever closer I can't help think that the colour and glamour of Bollywood is certainly overshadowed by the 'slum' aspect of Slumdog Millionaire. Of course I am not going to Mumbai, but it's the only thing I can compare it to. That film was excellent and it made my cry and laugh. Suppose they'll be more of the former on my travels.

I've got, fuck, loads to do for next week, including two days in London in the week for meetings that I am actually looking forward to.

Got Cat Steven's Just Another Night in my head, that'll be the first track on YouTube as I come in, followed by 'Where True Love Goes' and they'll be loads of comments saying

bst sng eva! by LordRasta
wow - brings me to tears every time! by Purple1
fuck shit, die Islam by Mistter Christian

but I just ignore those and go for my own comment, in my head, and no, you can't have it!

Love is a funny thing isn't it?

Well maybe not that funny when it's unrequited, and you're sobbing into a beer because she can't say yes, cause she's already spoken for, and anyway it wouldn't work cause we're too far away and so much has changed and we're good friends, and if you have anymore cliches then please send them to:

Romance Cliches
Lonely Steet
Hurtsville
U S Aye?

God i've missed this!

What am I Doing?

Like buying a piece of furniture I don't really need, reading the flat pack instructions and realise what i've got myself into. Confusion right now, did I make the right choice? Am I happy? Whta do I really want?

You know, you set things up and you think you're happy, that you have done a good thing, then you hear people are together and I think...why can't that happen to me?

So I am a little empty now, cause I was just chatting to someone on the internet, some girl I really used to like as more than a friend. She's not had a great time of it, the past few years, and she is so sweet and lovely. And I want to go and see her and spend some time with her, a catch up and all that, and whenever she comes online I feel nice, but weak, or a bit sad, or dry mouthed, empty, then she'll text, and that's nice too.

Well well well

Yesterday as I boarded the tram at Phoenix Park there was a freshness in the air. The sun shone through the large green windows as we zoomed through the Nottingham boroughs before stopping at Station Street. I was a lovely ride into town and I saw lots of things that excited and delighted me, mainly nice ladies!

The train was boring. I just read my book. Read page after page of Danny Wallace. He uses too many words does that lad.! The front of the book read ''The Man's a genius.' Now I think that the word 'genius' is over-used. Churchill was a genius, Darwin a genius, Picasso too. But I think you have to challenge the credence of the statement 'the man's a genius' when it comes from Davina McCall. I thought Mr Wallace had a little more self-respect than that!

Anyway we arrived in London. It was an effortless journey. I was tired though, and when I had walked up Stockwell Road and met some of my colleagues outside of the meeting room there was an enormous sense of foreboding. Can I really go along with this? How can I talk civilly to these people for the next five hours? Will I manage to stay awake?

1. No I can't go along with this but I just managed it!
2. No I didn't talk civilly to them for 5 hours. I had quiet moments and towards the end of the day just walked away
3. I fell asleep a few times during the day.

Yesterday also made me realise that I am not experienced enough to do the job I do. Realistically, when I think about it, I don't fit in. I always want to have a laugh, go to the pub, can't concentrate, hardly ever put my serious cap on and no I continually think 'ah to fuck with it!'

Then I log on to Match.com...it's no secret I am on there, and girls chat for a few messages then nothing. Well manners cost nothing. A short reply message wouldn't go amiss. Fuck off if you can't be bothered. You can hide behind your wall of numbers and the Internet...it's the cowards way out!

So here I am, sat inside on a beautiful day, after coming back from a lovely afternoon with my Gran, in Nottingham and I think 'maybe I should just fuck it all over and do something TOTALLY different. I'll wait until June and think. A rethink and a review. It's always a good thing. Think about how your life is shit.

Stop. Ranking full stop!