I've been thinking about love today, especially as I am reading Maggie Cassidy by Kerouac. One of his continuous prose novels that captures, not just the strength of the human spirit, and true raw passion for life, but also love. It's so tough isn't it. The Greeks had 4 words for it, other traditions have more. Philos, Agape, Sturge and Eros. Not that I know much about the last one.

When do friendships take on the next level? Some like to keep friendships solely that. I think it depends on the friend. Relationships are friendships. If it's all about the sex then it's nothing but an output for sexual desires. A kiss is not just a kiss, really, is it? It's sincere, it's meaningful (when not drunk anyway) and it's close. And that's it.

On the radio this morning they were asking people 'Can you be happy if you're poor?' Well my answer is yes of course. People, although poor, can be happy, and that has a lot to do with love.

p.s you're my magic number...

And I couldn't stop myself. One tear, then two, and whereas before when i've cried in front of parents, this time it was different.

A child, a baby, born 2 months prematurely and wasn't recieving any help from the medical teams. Her little weak arms and pink fingers, her tired eyes, and her Mum holding her too. Her Mum couldn't produce the milk the baby needed.

I want it to go away, make it better. But not even a hug from my Mum could stop it. 'This is the world we live in' she said, in the tone that only a mum has. It sure is a mighty shite unjust world.

Victor E Frankl wrote about the survivors of the concentration camps. He told the story of one man who was watching his friend have a nightmare whilst at Auschwitz. Frankl said that the man who was awake let the sleeping man continue with his nightmare, as the reality was much much worse. That's what it's like for those poor people out there. No Mums to cry on.

Please don't stop the rescue efforts, please carry on helping.

We are one body, and that body is made up of many parts.

Smelling the Morning

is what I just gone and did!

I got out of the car and the fresh earthy mossy odour hit me. The birds were singing, all different types of birds all chattering away, and I stopped.

Closed my eyes

Drew a deep breath through my nostrils

and then exhaled, and the stress and rush of the a52 and all that stuff just went away,

and I'll do it at Lunch probably. And I feel like I should go to Mass this morning to thank God for a beautiful morning.

Amen!

I logged on to Outlook this morning. For the first time ever I felt my body drop, as if to say oh no not this again. My friends get on at me; "you've got an easy job", "the pay's good, what are you moaning about?" If the pay was the be all and end all then I would have been working as a banker earning big bonuses. Not my style, never will be.

I'm tired of all this. Finally getting somewhere though on other career paths. More of these when they materialise. I'm published! Had two prayers of mine published in a book on environmental justice. I am starting to lose faith in that too, losing faith in how the environment is linked to faith.

I thought to myself during Mass yesterday, whilst looking at the priest, you've made me hate coming to Church. And he has. This priest that opens his shit filled mouth and all that comes out is boring cardboard munching drivel. Yesterday though, he did two things that made me sit up:

1. He linked his homily to real life and 2. He actually interacted with the children from the liturgy group. I think this is hugely affirming for the young people in the parish. Hope we can go somewhere with this.

My life is low right now, and it's the right time for depression. But it'll go up again and when it does you'll know!

Back to work

Good morning old friend!

Typing this out on the old familiar clunky dell keyboard at work, and everything seems to have been the same since two weeks ago when I left this little office on the hill for Christmastime.

As I drove down the A606 this morning I thought to myself I'm so lucky to be witnessing this. And what I was seeing was a beautiful orange and blue sky unfolding before me. The long streaks of seemingly black cloud and above it majestic colours. It was getting warmer in my car and I was waking up. The journey home goes well, I detest the drive back strangely enough!

And so the mundaneity of work continues, and with it all the tedious jobs I promised myself I'd never do when I was studying hard and partying even harder at University. Accounts, book-keeping, vat, gift aid, filing, writing endless letters to old ladies who had had a coffee morning. I know it's all sweet and cute and kind but day after day one becomes detached from all the niceness.

Happy New Year! he shouts as he shakes off the last dregs of alcohol from Christmas, and is ready for work. Time for a cuppa!